Katie Merrick, D.M.D., is a general dentist who splits her clinical time between Vermont Restorative Dentistry and Alpine Family Dental, both in Chittenden County, Vermont. Dr. Merrick is passionate about preventative oral health care, and she values working with patients with dental anxiety and special health care needs. Outside of dentistry, she can be found running, hiking with her partner, Mitch, and their dog, Crosby, reading, and baking.
When I announced to family and friends that my partner, Mitch, and I had gotten engaged last October, the first question I got was: “When is the wedding?” followed by: “Are you going to change your last name?” — a question to which I still don’t feel I have a good response. I need to decide my plans for my last name when I get married — a personal choice for myself and my fiancé, but also a public choice as a general dentist practicing in the community.
I’ve been having conversations with peers who are grappling with the same decision (mostly other straight cisgender women). Is this because I’ve gotten to “that age,” or because the number of women in dentistry and the average age at marriage have increased? From talking with friends and colleagues, it seems many of us feel overwhelmed with the number of, reasons for and judgment about last name choices. Older colleagues and even patients have shared with me their reflections in hindsight about their own last name decisions.
I started my brainstorming with Mitch by talking about my individual priorities and our values as a couple. Individually, I value my professional identity that I’ve curated. I’m the third generation of dentists in my family, and the first female Dr. Merrick. My dad and my dad’s dad were both dentists. I practice dentistry in my hometown and work for the practice my father owned before he passed away. It has been incredibly meaningful to tell patients, “I’m Dr. Katie Merrick,” and hear them respond, “Oh, you’re Ben’s daughter!”
Changing my name feels like a lot of administrative work. My current name is on our office signs and business cards and my scrub jackets. Patients have gotten to know me as “Dr. Katie Merrick.” Keeping my name would be the most convenient for my professional work. Some of my colleagues anticipated a last name change to align with graduation, board exams and state licensure application. I admire such organization and planning, but this timeline would not have lined up in my personal life.
I find myself seeking a secret third option, something other than the binary choice of keeping my own name or changing my last name to Mitch’s. Hyphenating names is a possibility, one that brings up subsequent questions as well. Whose name goes first? Do both of us hyphenate or just me? Do we keep our own names but if we have kids, give them hyphenated names? Another hybrid option would be to keep my name legally and professionally but socially use Mitch’s last name.
Mitch and I decided it matters to us to share the same last name. For now, we plan to decide on a new last name for both of us. In theory, we want this to be a name that holds meaning for both of us. In practice, we’ve joked about sillier and sillier choices. While I might wish there was a perfect, one-size-fits-all last name solution for all young dentists getting married, reflecting with colleagues about what and how they decided has helped me to figure out what I think is the right choice for me.
Dr. Merrick, you have earned your title and honor your family name as Dr. Katie Merrick. I suggest you keep your family name professionally as my PhD psychologist wife did, Dr. Komal Grover, Phd . We were married five years prior to her earning her PhD. Her parents always wanted their two kids to be doctors. Her brother is an internist. She decided that for married and legal identity names like passports and driver licenses to update her name to a hyphenated married name Komal Grover-Sudick. My professional name is John Sudick, DDS. Our children share my last name but all the kids first names share my wife’s Indian Heritage with Indian first names, Kirpa, Arjan, and Harbans. There are so many ways to honor your past, family, and present. You have earned the naming rights. Finding what works for you can evolve as you do and you don’t have to do it all as the same time.
I have been married for 19 years. I chose to keep my last name when I got married because I had already been a dentist for 5 years, and I also had publications under my name (I’m in academics). Some of my colleagues have hyphenated names, but that is confusing. Sometimes a person uses one name in one situation, the other name in a different situation, and both names in yet another situation! Our solution was to give our children my husband’s last name and use my last name as their middle names. This helps show legally that we are related, but my children don’t have the cumbersome job of writing out a long, hyphenated last name. We did consider making a new “combination” last name using some of the letters from each of our last names, but as you point out-it would still require changing a lot of documents, signs, etc. While some people assume I’m “Mrs. husband’s last name,” it doesn’t happen very often. I’m happy I kept my name. It helps me maintain my individual and professional identity, yet I still feel very committed to my husband and family.
Dr. Merrick, as a dentist, keeping my maiden name worked best for me for the past 80 years. Never know what the future holds. Besides, Merrick is a very nice name and your Dad and grandfather would be proud.
Evelyn King, DDS
Thank you for sharing this article — it’s always interesting to see how couples navigate the question of last names. While I appreciate the spirit of unity that drives the idea of both partners changing their name, I’d gently suggest another approach: simply keeping your original names.
Traditionally, men haven’t changed their surnames in marriage, and many women today are choosing to do the same. Retaining your original name honors your personal history and identity, while still allowing you to build a shared life together. Unity doesn’t have to mean uniformity — and names are just one part of a much bigger commitment.
Having a man change his name is absolutely your right, but this is not what the spirit of marriage is or has been about.
Dr. Merrick- I was 41 when I married for the first time. I struggled with the same decision and thought I would change my name. But once married, I decided against it. The administrative part, as you cited, was a large part of this change of heart. The overwhelming sentiment was that I worked hard for that title, borrowed money for what grants and scholarships didn’t cover, worked for ten years to pay said loans off before opening my own practice, and the first in my family with a doctorate. When faced with these emotions when starting the process, I just couldn’t do it! Socially, some people assume I’ve taken my husband’s name, and address me with his last name. Some people assume his last name is the same as mine. We just laugh about it. Interestingly, in our neighborhood, there are multiple married couples with this arrangement. If we were to have had kids ( we have a cat), however, I would have agreed that they would have had his last name. Family history and lineage is important to me.
Dr. Merrck,
I made the decision 35 years ago to keep my name.
I am so glad I did! I do find myself introducing my husband by his full name. At this point, he laughs when referred to as Mr. Rademacher. We have no children but our dogs are registered under his name.
Thank you for sharing your story and the best of luck to you!
Great comments by all.
Like Dr. Rademacher, I decided 35 + years ago to keep my family name, even though at that time it was not the “norm” and I am also so glad that I did!
While in dental school, I had often said that I would consider changing my name if I were to marry prior to graduation and licensure. Honestly, that was easy to say at that time, since that was unlikely to happen at that point in my life (so basically, my silent words were saying I was NOT going to change my name).
I graduated in 1985 and after graduation, I was in practice with my older brother. When marriage and name change conversations came along, some of your points were similar for me……the name on the door, the large office sign on the street, the letterhead and other stationary, etc. Also, for our office, it seemed logical, as we are both Taiclet (Dr. Paul and Dr. Lynne to our patients).
Honestly, the conversation with my husband was very brief, I think mostly because he was also self-employed and was looking at it from a logical, financial perspective: including the cost to the practice to change the items noted above, and also “paying the state” for new license documents, etc. He was 100% fine with no change of name for me. The patients never questioned it either, it was great.
I also had personal reasons. I am the youngest of 8 children and although our family is very large (about 50 when we are all together), it just so happens I have only one nephew that will carry on our family name. It was important to me to keep my family name and thankfully my husband agreed.
As far as our children, similar to one of the folks above, our children have my family name as their second middle name and my husband’s family name as their last name. We both agreed that we did not want to hyphenate, as that gets cumbersome as the next generations come along. I figured as our children became adults, they each can choose whether to list their full name or not. As adults, all three of them mostly use only their first and last names.
Socially, I have always retained my family name. This is also something we agreed on right from the beginning. I did not want the confusion of one person with two different names. When someone would accidentally call me by my husband’s name, we would simply clarify that. And, typically when we introduce each other to someone, we use our full name during the introductions, and that seems to set things straight from the beginning.
Things became more confusing when our children entered school. I spent quite a bit of time clarifying that I was not Mrs. Winter, but indeed Dr. Taiclet. The teachers eventually caught on, but they were honestly the toughest in the earlier years. Another challenge was when interacting with the other children in the school, who would be on auto-pilot and consistently call me Mrs. Winter. Depending on the situation, often I did not correct them, especially when they were very young or if it was a quick interaction. When I became a parent volunteer in our children’s activities, such as scouting, dance and theatre, with more long-term interactions with specific groups of children, then I clarified the name situation. Some kiddos were quite inventive about my name while trying to get it organized in their own little minds, and one of my favorites to this day was “Doctor. Mrs. Ethan’s Mom” (Ethan is my son) which then stuck for a bit with the other scouts, eventually growing into Dr. Lynne or Dr. Taiclet.
When I returned to my dental school as faculty, I also found it “convenient” to have retained my family name, as some at the dental school remembered me as such.
I personally would not favor creating a whole new name or hyphenate, but that is me. As stated, I am very fond of my family name because of all that it represents for me and to me. We have very close family relationships that I cherish.
And honestly, each of you keeping your own name is all around just easier!
Good luck to you as you move into this new phase of your adulthood!
Thanks for sharing Dr. Merrick’s piece. Her thoughtful reflection on navigating the last name decision really captures how personal yet public this choice feels, especially when you’re building your professional identity in the community. I appreciate her honesty about the complexity – honoring family legacy, considering practical implications for the practice, and figuring out what feels right as a couple. It’s refreshing to hear someone talk openly about not having all the answers and working through the options together. The reminder that there’s no one-size-fits-all solution is reassuring for anyone facing similar decisions early in their career. Good read – thanks for passing it along.